I am beside myself… Feeling utter doom! Realizing the consequences of this traffic stop, I succumb to the inevitable. Next thing I know a State Patrol is in my rear view mirror. Little did I realize that I was speeding while preoccupied with my “issues”. Of course no visual on a good exit to pull off to find a restroom (as I was passing the downtown area)… and as it intensifies, I am only focused on finding the nearest restroom. Back in ’07, I was on the interstate on my way home one evening after dark (it happened to be the night before we were leaving for a long awaited 10-day family vacation to Disney World) and I got that “feeling”. Now… that is not the life altering event that I was going to “share”. I was grateful for the porcelain, no matter the make or model.

I about died from the thought of going in with the door wide open… but no choices were to be had. There were NO frills and a two stall bathroom with the door propped open and a short line awaiting the coveted thrones. I was saved by a hole-in -the-wall “store” in the middle of nowhere - surely put there by the Pooppouri Angels. We were traveling in a two car caravan with friends & their kiddos - on our way to CO from AZ. A handful of close calls, including one travel incident in the middle of Utah during a thunderstorm with no place to stop. I have what I refer to as occasional IBS moments. Me: This has not been helpful in the least. Marti: What are you even complaining about? Try having khakis on. Me: I was just innocently shopping for a new sweater when all HELL broke loose!! Happens to the best of us.Ĭarrie: You are at the mall? How’s your jaw? Marti: Throw your undies in the garbage and keep moving. Me: I just shit my pants in downtown Macy’s.

The next paragraph is the text I send my two best friends from inside the bathroom stall. I race down the aisle, profusely sweating and not 10 feet from the restroom sign, it happens. OMFG, excuse me, ma’am? Is there a restroom nearby? “Sure hon, if you go down this hall, turn left at Petites, hang your first right at Intimates…. WOW, I should maybe find a restroom soon. What follows is the summary of the next 30 seconds of my life. Just as I am thinking “I wonder if they have this shirt in my size?” it hits me. I’m slowly browsing around, reveling in the alone time. We hit up Macy’s first and head in different directions so that he can get the Dads done, and I can shop for his Mom (aka myself). My hubs and I decide to spend a kid-free day getting some Christmas shopping done downtown. I’m feeling pretty cocky by day 10, post-surgery. The nurse informed me, as I was being discharged, that I should think about purchasing a stool softener on my way home since the meds have a way of “backing things up.” Duly noted.Īfter 4 days of no “activity,” I decide its time. As a result, I was given some pretty heavy meds.

Oops i crapped my pants